IF YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND RELATIONSHIPS, YOU HAVE TO KNOW THESE 15 FACTS:

If You Want to Understand Relationships, You Have to Know These 15 Facts:     

 by MARKUS RAY

1. We recreate the past. What our parents did in their relationship we tend to recreate in our own. History repeats itself, for the most part, unless we become conscious of the similar ways we are relating, and choose out of similar behaviors.

2. We are mostly run by our subconscious. Neuro scientists have shown that the majority of thoughts that are actively producing results we are not even aware of. About 8 bits of info enter our awareness per second in proportion to 11 million other bits that are also being processed per second in our subconscious. What does this mean in relationships? They are mostly run by stuff in the shadows. You relate to your mate with the stuff you are not even aware you have.

3. We want to be taken care of. There is a tendency to “go helpless” in a relationship and want your mate to clean up the mess. Given that love looked like our parents handling the nitty gritty of life in our childhood, while we could go out there and goof around, love in the adult world is no different. We want to be taken care of. Just remember, though, that adage we heard in church: it is more blessed to give than to receive.

4. The ego loves conflict. When love is new our partner can do no wrong. All their good qualities shine bright like a lighthouse in the stormy past of our failed relationships. Then gradually the light fades and the same storms that ran us amuck on the rocky shores of shipwrecked loves get the better of our navigation. The ego loves conflict, and eventually two egos in any relationship churn the waters and send us into the rocky waters of our subconscious tendencies….the ones that bug our partner.

5. Everyone has a tendency. It is a fact that everyone has a shadow side that is his or her karma in life to get to know and overcome. Usually we pretend to be perfect, even though we know there are major blocks to us feeling and living that perfection. Everyone has a tendency to sabotage themselves with an Achilles heel, a pre-existing weakness, and a tinge of doubt in the movement toward certainty. These tendencies can be overcome, but you have to be honest about them.

6. Time ticks away faster than you think. When a person does not handle his internal impurities aging comes upon him. This is not going to be counteracted by jogging and a kale salad. Although good healthy practices for the body do help, you have to look at the mind and its belief systems around life and death. What is your purpose here? What do you think about time, aging and death? Death in inevitable by belief and habit, not by some unalterable script chiseled in stone.

7. Sex is a sacred act of giving and sharing or a sensational act of getting and gratification. When sex is just a good feeling it stays pretty much as a thing you do add to your pleasure chest. Sacred sex is a whole different ball of wax. Your partner is more important than you in the pleasure department. And because they think the same about you, don’t worry about getting your needs met. Think about, “How can I take my partner higher?” This way you will go higher, and sex will become your most joyful sacrament.

8. Someone has to take out the garbage or clean the toilet. You could be fortunate enough to have a maid. But sooner or later you will both find tasks in the maintenance part of the relationship that are unpleasant and grungy requiring your attention. Shirk not the “dirty jobs” nor expect your partner to do them. Get clear on who is doing what and balance the tasks with each doing those of the least resistance.

9. Money needs to come in faster than it goes out. Otherwise you have a problem. The lake will run dry, the bank account will not replenish, and the general prosperity consciousness will suffer. So don’t spend more than you make. Give more to get more. Be of service at something you love to do and you will be rewarded.

10. Your partner is your best friend. Treat them like they are. Talk about everything. This is the adage of the three most important factors to having your partner as your best friend: 1) Communicate 2) Communicate 3) Communicate.

11. Clean it up every day. Don’t let anger linger over on an issue that is activating more than 24 hours. Preferably clean it up before going to bed. Nothing is worth losing sleep over. Let go and get off it. Go for the highest thought and solution to any problem.

12. Your family will never understand you. You have a way of doing things that is unique to your life. Don’t expect your family to embrace this uniqueness. In fact, brace yourself for disapproval. Let them have it, they are entitled to their opinion about you, good or bad. The most important thing is, “Do you understand yourself?” And, does your partner support you in this understanding? They better, because this is absolutely essential. You both better be on the same page if you want to have a relationship that is really happy and working in its maximum capacity.

13. Spiritual Practices help you both evolve. The saying, “The family that prays together stays together,” is mostly true. In fact it is true. Sustained attention, done together in mutual consent toward a Higher Power greater than yourself will bond you closer as a couple and a family. It could even be an organized religion, or golf. But do something together in which your trust in the Unknown benevolence of Life is enhanced.

14. People don’t want to forgive but they must. If you hold a grievance from the past it will only grow a bigger weed in the end. It will choke out the good plants in your garden of celestial delight. Don’t hold a grudge and never seek revenge. Don’t hold “records of wrongdoing” on anyone. Then you will easily let yourself off the hook for your own big whopper mistakes.

15. Growth is always happening. Until you are like the great Buddha, or Jesus or Kwan Yin, or Moses or someone like that, you probably have some life lessons ahead that require you to step into a higher version of you, one you did not know before. So be ready to grow better with age, like a good vintage.

STARTING OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT By Sondra Ray

Starting a Relationship Off on the Right Foot....

requires some basic agreements. 

Once you have met the one you want to be with....then you have to deal with the relationship. But first, one should note this question: "Are we equally committed at the same level?"  If one is more committed than the other, this could lead to extreme uncertainty. The one dragging their feet may be saying, "I want to see how this goes before I put two feet in." Sounds logical, and yet you cannot really TEST the relationship well unless both have both feet in and give it a try that way. Otherwise one is always holding back and the shakiness of that makes one decide it cannot work. It was not a fair test.  Commitment means different things to different people. You may agree on commitment to monogamy or marriage or living together. 

But what about a commitment to stick to some agreements that will help the relationship?  Markus and made our first agreement rock solid: We both agreed to a relationship free of conflict. Now most people say that that is ridiculous and impossible. How do they know if they never committed to trying it?  It does not mean that things or issues don't come up. They will. How you handle them is the key. We agree to handle them without anger and /or arguing. This simple agreement we have stuck to and it has created magic in our relationship. Of course one has to know conflict resolution techniques.  These can easily be learned. I have mentioned them in nearly every book I have written on relationships.

I honor my master Babaji for teaching me this simple one.

Upon a situation where there is disagreement and potential upset.

1. We both agree to drop our "position".

2. We both give up the need to be right.

3. We both agree to GO FOR SOLUTION.

4. We both agree that the solution would be the highest thought we could think of.

5. The highest thought is the one that is the most positive, the most loving, the most productive and the one that feels the best in your body.

6. If Markus channels the highest thought, I gladly go up to his thought. If I channel the highest thought, he gladly goes up to my thought. 

7. If we cannot tell which is the highest thought (usually you can however) then we definitely do no argue about THAT. We would go apart a meditate and ask God and/or get the help of a third party who is more clairvoyant at the time. (A child could get the highest thought).

My point is you do need to decide early in the game how you are going to solve conflicts. Otherwise stuff will come up and you will just argue like everyone else and stay in a low vibration. You should understand each others' upbringing on this issue. How did the parents on both sides handle differences? (Probably not well.)

Babaji also taught me how to handle anger and I have never heard a better recommendation than this one:

1. You don't stuff your anger, as that hurts your body.

2. You don't dump it on your mate or anyone else. That hurts them.

3. Instead, you CHANGE THE THOUGHT that causes the anger and breathe out the bad energy.

So we might say to each other this:  "I am feeling activated." (I am NOT yelling or raising my voice, nor am I stuffing what I feel)  Then I say, "The negative thought that makes me feel activated is..............." 

And always this dissipates the charge, and with the commitment to no-conflict, we can get over our activations a lot easier. You can try this and see the immediate results. You can also have a Liberation Breathing session which will really clear your head !!

Go here for more info on that:  Liberation Breathing Website

LOVE, 

SONDRA 

RELATIONSHIPS CONCEPTION by Sondra Ray

Lately I've been thinking.....

how a relationship is conceived.

Many people are "hunting" for love and they are so needy that they make a lot of mistakes choosing a partner. They settle for less than they deserve because they are desperate. Recently a client conceived a relationship on line and they even fell in love on skype. But when she traveled to meet the guy and get together, he was a total scam artist! (She had even lent him money like many other women). Partly it happened because of her own conception being inappropriate. I often see people re-creating their own conception trauma when trying to get a mate.  Think about it. If you were totally not wanted by one or both parents that is a conception trauma!  You will tend to attract partners who don't want you, or you won't want the one who wants you. It is tricky and you need the help of a good Liberation Breathworker to unwire this pattern in your subconscious. If your parents were drunk when you got conceived, you might think you can only meet a partner drinking in a bar.  If your conception was an "accident", you might not believe that you can create a partner by the power of your mind. The science of deliberate creation won't occur to you.  So it certainly helps to understand your own conception. Of course if you were totally wanted and planned by both parents, everything will be easier for you.... obviously. If not...all is not lost. Forgiveness of your past will liberate you and put you in a new vibe.

SONDRA and MARKUS in DENMARK

I have met some people who did find a match on line, but I really, really think one should stick with the "COSMIC DATING SERVICE".  God knows more single people than you do and He/She knows where is the right one for you. So let's try to keep it spiritual. So the cosmic dating service goes like this:

1. You love yourself totally and do not NEED anyone to be happy
2. You ask God or your Guru to find the right mate for you
3. You ALLOW them to come from anywhere.

IF this system is not working, then you are blocked. You need a breathing session to find out what your block is. Also read these books:

ASK AND IT IS GIVEN  by Ester Hicks

LOVE WILL FIND YOU  by Kathryn Alice

There are three types of joining

a. sexual

b. karmic

c. cosmic

People hook up too fast because of sexual attraction. Then they have sex and it brings up so much that they don't know how to process.... so they get into a mess quickly.

Karmic relationships can happen, but usually they are not long lasting....or they seem to last forever. You work out the karma and then your are done. Sometimes this takes 30 days and sometimes this takes 30 years. But you can cut the time by saying NO to your own suffering.

The Cosmic Connection is where you ask your Guru, or GOD, to put you with a holy person with whom you can do service to humanity. Then you make beautiful things together for the world.

Obviously the ideal is to find your twin soul who makes your heart sing, the one who is aligned with the way you are, and the one who loves you just as you are. (If someone wants to change you it means that you really are not what that person wants).

In my case I had been working all around the world by myself for a long time. I was totally happy alone serving Babaji, my guru. But then one day (some would say "late in life") I decided I wanted to experience a Holy Relationship in this incarnation. I told Babaji I wanted an arranged marriage from Him. I was already a public figure and I could not afford any big mistake. I figured Babaji knew every man's past, present and future.... and therefore I should rely on Him. After all, I cannot always tell someone's karma immediately like He could. I might find a man I liked; but what if he had very heavy karma?  I did not want to take a chance. So I invented the Cosmic Dating Service, so to speak, and boy am I glad I did.

The problem was that I had been alone for so many decades that I was VERY independent. I decided I had to get myself ready. I was certain Babaji would send me a good man but I had to prepare myself first. So what did I do?  I bought four great gifts for a man I would love and I wrapped them up! I did some mantras. TO READ, GO HERE ON THIS BLOG.  When he still did not come, I decided I should start to write him AS IF he was already here, as my lover. I wrote letters, "Dear Beloved", and shared what I would share with a man who was here for me.  I also did the affirmation, "I am so happy and grateful my man is here now."  All of this totally worked.  I went to teach in Philadelphia and a man showed up in my seminar I had not seen for 20 years. It was Markus. I had no idea he was out of his marriage and available.

I will tell you how perfect he is for me:

• He is a liberation breathworker like myself
• He is a Course in Miracles teacher like myself
• He is a writer like myself
• He is a devotee of Babaji and the Divine Mother like myself
• He is a student of Ho' Oponopono (Hawaiian spirituality) like myself.
• He is a painter and poet who never ceases to amaze me with his creations!!

Now how could I have ever conceived such a perfect match by myself?? THE CONCEPTION WAS PERFECT!

So we immediately got to work on our mission together.

LOVE,

SONDRA

Order Sondra Ray's New Book, 

Liberation Breathing: The Divine Mother's Gift  HERE

 

SONDRA and MARKUS on their Wedding Day in INDIA.

THE PURPOSE OF THE HEAD SHAVE....By Sondra Ray

"Lately I've been thinking.....

that people need to know just why we shave our heads.

Sondra and Markus with Mundun at the "Jesus Tree" in India

Maria and Ricardo from Brazil....on the Banks of the Gautama Ganga River in India

Markus and I go to India every year and the head shave is one of the spiritual purification practices we endorse. In India it is called simply Mundun.  First of all it is not at all obligatory.  It is, however, a very deep purification process that absolutely works. Notice your reaction and all that comes up for you just hearing and reading about it!  Now imagine all that would come out if you actually did it!

 

Well, that is the point!   If you want an extreme, rapid, surefire purification, this could be it for you.

If you are lucky enough to have Babaji to take responsibility for your entire liberation, then this is

how you get that blessing. It is between you and the Guru.

For me it was one of the highest spiritual experiences of my life, which opened me up greatly. Mostly, I felt really, really honored to be offered this "initiation." This initiation ritual has been done for thousands of years; and so obviously it is done so because of all the value one gains. Shaving your head (and this includes to the skin with razor blade, not just a buzz cut) is a very personal, deep experience between you and God.  It is something you CHOOSE. Babaji certainly never made me do it.  For me, it was a symbolic act whereby I was saying to God: "Look, I am gong to try to surrender as much as possible to You, and in this act I am demonstrating my willingness to join my will with Yours." 

The tradition is to leave it shaved for nine entire months (which is the period of time you spent the womb) for one to get the full benefit. You process the womb memories; you get to let go of tons of karma fast; you get healed of all kinds of conditions,; you get opened up in your crown chakra; you become more intuitive; and here is the best part: You have to rise above what people will say and think,  and decide that your liberation is more important than anything else.  This gives you a lot of certainty and clarity. It liberates you from other peoples' opinions about you. It even liberates you from your own opinions about yourself! It is a radical method of altering one's false identification with a body and a personality. 

We are so used to seeing ourselves appear one way as we look in a mirror. Mundan changes that immediately.... obviously. It gives you a chance to see that "something" in you that appears constant, regardless of any changes in the physical. It stimulates all the psychic centers in the head, opens your mind,  and creates a singular unit of cosmic reception that has a clearer relationship with the universal vibratory state. It puts you in the vortex of receiving Divine Intelligence.... which is already in you by the way. Mundun opens the spigot for you to receive more energy, money, love, inspiration, joy, ease, intimacy and happiness. It gets you in touch with your true Self as God created you.

The first time I did it I was around age 33 and single. I was prepared to be celibate for nine months with no problem. But to my immense surprise I had more men interested in me than I could have imagined. They knew I was not a Hari Krishna, as I was dressed too sophisticated for that. They knew I was not a cancer patient, as they saw how healthy I was. They became fascinated with me. Probably it was also because I was in a continual altered state that they found irresistible. Anyway, It was a surprise for me. I had as many lover opportunities as I wanted.

Of course my mother cried. I was prepared for that though. I said, "Mom you are not going to deny me one of the most religious experiences I have ever had in my whole life, are you?"  She accepted it later. Anyway, I felt fantastic the whole time.... and people could see that.

Mundun should not be done in a barber shop. It is most auspicious done at an ashram like Herakhan

(Babaji's home) along the river bed, along the Gutama Ganga, a tributary of the Ganges. If you come to India in our group you will have all the support you want—before, during and after. All the people on the India Quest will come to honor you at your Mundun ceremony and chant the mantra for you. You will have a buddy to sit with you and help put your fallen hair on a large banana leaf, float your hair (which holds your past) down the river, and help you immerse yourself in the river 3 X afterwards. Markus and I will anoint your head in the Duni (Divine Mother Fire Temple) when all the Munduns of our group are complete.  Then imagine: going in Babaji's cave after all this for meditation!!!!  This is the cave where He materialized His body.  What could possibly be better for your evolution than that?

Think about it.  Join us in India even if you don't chose to have Mundun, the sacred head shave. There are plenty of other remarkable spiritual and cultural benefits. 

• The nine day Divine Mother Celebration will change your life forever. 
• We practice Liberation Breathing® with our group every day.
• You get to be in one of the most High Energy spots on earth
• Meet all kinds of interesting people from all over the world
• Learn the spiritual traditions India has to offer
• Go deeply into your inner Self and come back joyous
• Retreat from the pressure of everyday routines
• Register here: India Quest 2015

I really hope to make contact with you soon.

Love,

Sondra

Sondra in Babaji's Cave in Herakhan

 

ODES TO THE DIVINE MOTHER...By Markus Ray

A Labor of Love for 3 Years

Over three years ago I began a journey of writing these Odes to the Divine Mother. It began in Bali. It began with an inspiration from the young Legong dancers who were the impetus for the Odes, who formed the Muse of this sacred intimation and outpouring. 365 Odes later....I am coming to the Flower of this journey...and soon these will be available for the public. I have been placing them here and there, on my Facebook, and on ART LOOK, and in e-mails to my friends. Here it is in keeping with this urge to share, I post the first Ode, along with the "feet of my Master" who most represents the Divine Mother Energy to me in my everyday life, my wife and consort, SONDRA RAY....on our wedding day.

1.

I Am At Your Feet

I am at Your feet, forever at Your feet. To me that is higher than Mt. Everest. You are beyond the stars, so Your toes are the very galaxies I cannot comprehend. To touch them is to rise higher than I have ever gone. To leave this world a moment in my contemplation of You is to travel light years past my familiar places, past the planets of this solar system, past my place on earth in this small body of flesh and bone, into another realm of Divine perfection. I cannot fathom You, but nonetheless my certainty grows of Your omnipresent existence in everything I can sense, and in everything so far beyond what I can sense. Even my thought falls short of conceiving Your immensity. I am silenced for a while in gratitude, knowing Your tender loving care surrounds me in all time and space—Your caresses upon my soul reassure my child, walking ahead of You, that my Mother will always be there, just a half step behind me, to guide my steps and cushion any fall. O Mother, I sing my praises to You as I enter into a New Life. Purge me of all guile, make me Your servant more and more; come into me completely and inspire my Life to be an action of beauty for You. 

 

Liberation Breathing: The Divine Mother's Gift

SONDRA RAY's New Book:

ORDER HERE

40 years of Sondra's Expertise on Breathwork, 

Spirituality, Relationships, and Healing....

all contained withing this concise volume.

SONDRA RAY....50 and Beyond

SONDRA RAY discusses in Iceland reinventing herself after 50...and Beyond. She gives a short description of Liberation Breathing in the thermal waters of the Blue Lagoon in Iceland, and how this experience enhances people's lifestyle.